I'm betting that enough people are either unobservant enough or just plain sick of visiting W's Log that no one will actually see whatever I've posted here. Of course, that's assuming that anyone still reads W's Log, which is rather unlikely. Maybe 2 people still do, but I can't be sure.
I'm seriously starting to hate my SPS group. Yes, there are enough decent looking girls in it for eye-candy attraction factor, but since when has that ever been a factor to me? No, I'm not going to let W target them, either. We have a goal to focus on right now and that's survival.
Its strange really...everytime I think I'm surviving decently well and start trying to live life instead of merely surviving through it, SOMETHING will happen to prove I just CAN'T afford to let my guard down for one second. I can only say this, the big guy up there must be preparing me for something big...or maybe he just has a real strange sense of humour. Its like I was saying to Kao: Whenever something is left to chance or 'fate', the probability of the outcome being one of the worst possible ones = 1. How else do you explain it when the crappiness of your lecturers and TAs is proportional to how difficult/important the subject is to you? Its almost like pokemon! Yup, somehow that opponent gets like 6-7 consecutive heads...and you always end up tails.
Just a thought...if God wants you to be happy, he'd have made you content with the life you were going to lead, right? In that case, I conclude that God can't want you to be happy. I'm not saying that he doesn't want to to be happy, so don't get me wrong. It would seem that while God does want what's best for you, that 'best' might not be something you'd be happy with. Maybe the 'best' thing for me...and maybe the entire world...is that I don't get the chance of reproducing and passing on my genetic line. Or maybe it'll be his plan that I get so utterly lonely that I end up, say 30 or so years from now, either visiting some prostitute or raping some girl...and from that sinful deed, the anti-christ will be born or something. I'm sorry, but it'll take a hell lot to convince me that I was sent to this world to be a force of good. I can't possibly be, no matter how much I may want to be or try to be.
People...most poeple anyway...suck. I don't like being unwanted or unappreciated...or used nor ignored...or scorned or looked down upon. Yet for some reason, I'm invisible to a good 80% of the population. I swear, I can walk right by someone I know and the person won't notice me till I tap him or her on the shoulder. Heck, its happened many times. The conclusion: Either the person is damn blur, I'm near invisible or they just don't want to see me nor acknowledge my existance. Of course, the other 19.99999999% of the population do take notice of me, only not in a positive light. There's only so much a person can take and while I'm trying to be good, my heart isn't that good. I think only a saint can keep it up under this kind of circumstance...and a saint, I'm not.
I have as much right to be me and anyone else has to be themselves. That's why I'll never change myself, not my true self anyway, to fit in. And that's why I'll never find a place where I do fit. It just doesn't exist.
All I can say is...IF...and only IF (because I'm rather sure it'll never happen) I one day meet a girl who does like me for who I am...and should I like her to...I'm going to do my best to make her the happiest gal on earth...because she deserves that much. Heh, for anyone seeking to hold me to this promise...heh...wait long long...
I'm seriously starting to hate my SPS group. Yes, there are enough decent looking girls in it for eye-candy attraction factor, but since when has that ever been a factor to me? No, I'm not going to let W target them, either. We have a goal to focus on right now and that's survival.
Its strange really...everytime I think I'm surviving decently well and start trying to live life instead of merely surviving through it, SOMETHING will happen to prove I just CAN'T afford to let my guard down for one second. I can only say this, the big guy up there must be preparing me for something big...or maybe he just has a real strange sense of humour. Its like I was saying to Kao: Whenever something is left to chance or 'fate', the probability of the outcome being one of the worst possible ones = 1. How else do you explain it when the crappiness of your lecturers and TAs is proportional to how difficult/important the subject is to you? Its almost like pokemon! Yup, somehow that opponent gets like 6-7 consecutive heads...and you always end up tails.
Just a thought...if God wants you to be happy, he'd have made you content with the life you were going to lead, right? In that case, I conclude that God can't want you to be happy. I'm not saying that he doesn't want to to be happy, so don't get me wrong. It would seem that while God does want what's best for you, that 'best' might not be something you'd be happy with. Maybe the 'best' thing for me...and maybe the entire world...is that I don't get the chance of reproducing and passing on my genetic line. Or maybe it'll be his plan that I get so utterly lonely that I end up, say 30 or so years from now, either visiting some prostitute or raping some girl...and from that sinful deed, the anti-christ will be born or something. I'm sorry, but it'll take a hell lot to convince me that I was sent to this world to be a force of good. I can't possibly be, no matter how much I may want to be or try to be.
People...most poeple anyway...suck. I don't like being unwanted or unappreciated...or used nor ignored...or scorned or looked down upon. Yet for some reason, I'm invisible to a good 80% of the population. I swear, I can walk right by someone I know and the person won't notice me till I tap him or her on the shoulder. Heck, its happened many times. The conclusion: Either the person is damn blur, I'm near invisible or they just don't want to see me nor acknowledge my existance. Of course, the other 19.99999999% of the population do take notice of me, only not in a positive light. There's only so much a person can take and while I'm trying to be good, my heart isn't that good. I think only a saint can keep it up under this kind of circumstance...and a saint, I'm not.
I have as much right to be me and anyone else has to be themselves. That's why I'll never change myself, not my true self anyway, to fit in. And that's why I'll never find a place where I do fit. It just doesn't exist.
All I can say is...IF...and only IF (because I'm rather sure it'll never happen) I one day meet a girl who does like me for who I am...and should I like her to...I'm going to do my best to make her the happiest gal on earth...because she deserves that much. Heh, for anyone seeking to hold me to this promise...heh...wait long long...
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home