Warning: Pointless post of gloom. Generally just another one of my ramblings, so...seriously...unless you're into that kind of thing...don't waste your time.
Almost everytime I feel like making a post, the words "why bother?" pop into my head. Heh. Let's face it...almost every 3 out of 4 posts I make which aren't quiz results are rants of sorts...and I'm betting its more than 3 out of 4 times. See? This one's a rant too. So why bother? After all, how many people actually reads this blog and how many to so on a regular enough basis anyway? And at the end of it all, why in the world would they want to have to put up with my whining? Besides, I've thought through most of those issues in my head already and I'll probably not forget my conclusions to them. So why darken someone else's day?
Interestingly enough, the only person's day I don't darken is Kao's...and I don't think he even reads this blog. No point anyway, since he knows most of my thoughts on various issues anyway. But hey, he sees things fairly similar to the way I see them, so that's no surprise. He's probably just as used to the darkness as I am, or almost so.
Heck, I can wipe a smile off a person's face without even trying...and somehow ensure that the smile doesn't return...just by being myself. Heh. In fact, that's probably the general effect. Which more or less means...I'm a crappy person. Heh. Tell me something I didn't know.
W's a lot more socially acceptable than I am. Yes he is. Trust me on that one. When he's in control, most people won't normally realise it, unless they're a target. Not only that, when he's in control, he gets the job done quickly and efficiently. Dammit, if only I could get him to last longer without suffering an oversurge. That's the problem with Command 001. We're both not conditioned enough to make the effect indefinite. Thankfully, its the holidays and generally, everyone's too busy with other stuff to bother lil 'ol me...so I can stay at home, shut myself up in my room and just...be me...for lack of a better way of putting it. I'll need W soon though. Its a real pity that he can't fully absorb me just yet. How ironic that I'm still stronger, even now. I don't really want to be around anymore, heh.
Its funny...a fair number of people who know of my head condition tend to get shocked when they realise my attitude towards it. If I live, I live and if I die...well, I just hope it'll be quick and painless. In fact, dying ain't so bad; I don't really mind. Of course, most people who realise this don't seem to get it, so their reactions are rather amusing. If the Almighty has chosen to K.O. me, it means that whatever his will for me was, its either been done or the chance has been lost. Aside from that, there's not really anything holding me back here. While the extremely few friends I have might be sad, let's face it...I'm not needed here. I don't have any sense of belonging to tie me down either, not to my church, my school, etc.
At this juncture, I'm thinking of just trashing the post...or as Eric Cartman would say, "screw you guys, I'm going home". But...it seems a waste to just destroy this work of misery I've composed. I'll just slap a warning up there at the top. If you're reading this, you've obviously not taken heed of it. So I hope this post hasn't affected your mood too much. Heh. That's it...I'm going to bed. Merciful oblivion of the senses.
Almost everytime I feel like making a post, the words "why bother?" pop into my head. Heh. Let's face it...almost every 3 out of 4 posts I make which aren't quiz results are rants of sorts...and I'm betting its more than 3 out of 4 times. See? This one's a rant too. So why bother? After all, how many people actually reads this blog and how many to so on a regular enough basis anyway? And at the end of it all, why in the world would they want to have to put up with my whining? Besides, I've thought through most of those issues in my head already and I'll probably not forget my conclusions to them. So why darken someone else's day?
Interestingly enough, the only person's day I don't darken is Kao's...and I don't think he even reads this blog. No point anyway, since he knows most of my thoughts on various issues anyway. But hey, he sees things fairly similar to the way I see them, so that's no surprise. He's probably just as used to the darkness as I am, or almost so.
Heck, I can wipe a smile off a person's face without even trying...and somehow ensure that the smile doesn't return...just by being myself. Heh. In fact, that's probably the general effect. Which more or less means...I'm a crappy person. Heh. Tell me something I didn't know.
W's a lot more socially acceptable than I am. Yes he is. Trust me on that one. When he's in control, most people won't normally realise it, unless they're a target. Not only that, when he's in control, he gets the job done quickly and efficiently. Dammit, if only I could get him to last longer without suffering an oversurge. That's the problem with Command 001. We're both not conditioned enough to make the effect indefinite. Thankfully, its the holidays and generally, everyone's too busy with other stuff to bother lil 'ol me...so I can stay at home, shut myself up in my room and just...be me...for lack of a better way of putting it. I'll need W soon though. Its a real pity that he can't fully absorb me just yet. How ironic that I'm still stronger, even now. I don't really want to be around anymore, heh.
Its funny...a fair number of people who know of my head condition tend to get shocked when they realise my attitude towards it. If I live, I live and if I die...well, I just hope it'll be quick and painless. In fact, dying ain't so bad; I don't really mind. Of course, most people who realise this don't seem to get it, so their reactions are rather amusing. If the Almighty has chosen to K.O. me, it means that whatever his will for me was, its either been done or the chance has been lost. Aside from that, there's not really anything holding me back here. While the extremely few friends I have might be sad, let's face it...I'm not needed here. I don't have any sense of belonging to tie me down either, not to my church, my school, etc.
At this juncture, I'm thinking of just trashing the post...or as Eric Cartman would say, "screw you guys, I'm going home". But...it seems a waste to just destroy this work of misery I've composed. I'll just slap a warning up there at the top. If you're reading this, you've obviously not taken heed of it. So I hope this post hasn't affected your mood too much. Heh. That's it...I'm going to bed. Merciful oblivion of the senses.
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