You know a Christian's spiritual life is in huge trouble when he starts comparing God and life to Simlife. Simlife happens to be a game where, like in its more famous cousin Simcity, you build up your only little world. In Simcity, it was a city you built up. In Simlife, its...well...a world...of animals and plants. God and garden of Eden, so to speak. Heck, it even comes with a little 'smite' command for you to kill off stuff you don't like. Its given me new insight into certain things. Like God supposing to be all knowing AND all loving. Well, in Simlife, you can create a species of animal and thus, you'd know all about them...yet you can't really control how they'd behave. You could create two of that animal, one male and one female, put them together and a few game years later, the species has gone extinct because the two just wouldn't mate, for whatever reason. How does this relate to all loving? Well, you created them for each other, right? =P Or how about all those years God's people spent in Egypt in slavery? There are people who think that it was to give them time to build their numbers so they could take over the promised land. Others think that a day to God is a 100 years on earth. My answers to this are...why not leave them in peace to breed? They certainly didn't have to suffer? Or did God need them to be disgruntled enough first? Yeah, I'm ranting. My standard of writing goes down with my mood.

I'm even empathising with Lucifer here. I mean...servant in Heaven or King in Hell? Like duh...I know what I'd choose in his place. For those of you Christians who ain't convinced yet, try this one: Roadsweeper in a beautiful, wealthy, peaceful, etc country...or Ruler in a poor, crime riddled, etc nation. I'm figuring the ruler probably has a better life. So there.

And for those of you who claim that you can be in total control of your life and that your life is 'what you make of it', what say I grab my trusty broadsword, sneak up on you and smack you round the back of your head with it, huh? So much for being in control of your life and it being what you made of it. In that one moment before the first smack took your life, caused permanent brain damage or at the very least knocked you unconscious, it would be me in control of your life, not you. Don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that you con't control what happens to you in life, not that you can't adapt to what happens. However, there are times when you really can't adapt or deal with what happens...and its no one's fault, least of all your own. Like a kid taking his exams for example. He's not particularly bright, but he did put in effort. However, at the end of it all, he failed the exams anyway. Is it his fault that he's not smart? That even in using 100% of his potential, he wasn't good enough? Nope. But it just happens.

Where was I getting to with all this? Oh yeah...God in my life. Let's just say that standard of living has gone up, but quality of life has gone down. My life isn't the living hell that it was in secondary school, but I'm in depression and school is stressing the heck out of me. It also seems that God only helps out just as I'm about to go off the deep end. The moment I'm not going to take my life/renounce my faith/etc, he's *poof* 'okay, back to your shitty life with you'. Thanks a million. That's all I can really say, isn't it? Thank you, God, for making me the way I am and for crafting me into what I am now, if I wasn't born that way. Which has resulted in my life being this...whatever it is. Big whoop. I just can't win, can I? No matter which side I'm on, I just can't win. Yay.

For those of you who know what Command 001 means, good for you. For those who don't...I'm not allowed to say right now. Let's just say its a place that only God can drag me out of...if he feels like it. Heh.