This post is semi-ranty and may not make sense.
But first..."The Zone" is not as easy to trigger on command as I thought. When forced, it has a high chance of oversurge, not to mention that its effectiveness is decreased. It requires a powerful and lengthy dose of any of the colder negative emotions for maximum effect. Emotions like anger, indignation, hate, etc all won't work at all. It needs loneliness, despair, hurt and the like. Still, it helps clear the mind, especially in the situations which generate those emotions. That said...
Betrayal is one of, if not the one thing I can practically never forgive. That includes people making use of me. Not just any people though, it only applies to people I'm on friendly terms with. Enemies are expected to be evil.
Knowing what people in general are like, I always get on edge when someone is suddenly and exceptionally nice to me, especially if they weren't at first and there's a drastic change in behaviour...and its twice so if the person happens to be female. It was bugging me for a while, but after thinking about it...
Look, if you want to freaking get to know him better, just bloody go and do it! Don't F**k**g(as Kao puts it) 'use me as a conduit'!!! I REFUSE to be your goddamn bridge just so you can get to someone else. Not like you WTF need the WTF help either since you've both got a lot in common and heck, conversation flows so easily between you two. Leave me the KNNCCB out of it! No one wants to be a lamppost and just because I'm too nice to bluntly make myself scarce...well, since at least ONE of you thinks themself to be perceptive enough, get the F**K**G hint and let me go!
On that note, I also extremely HATE people who(and these don't do this because they're blur or socially challenged, no, it only applies to those I'm SURE wouldn't say these things by mistake) sabotage you right to your face infront of others. I've been fairly tolerant of the kids I teach and no matter how annoying, I've never hated any of them...till now. This character flaw is proof of pure disgusting evil and the SCUM guilty of it should be pruged from this world. That one kid now has my undying hate and deserves every drop of it. I did get sabo'd by someone else too, but based on past ties...but still, that person has no right to make the mistake. If it was Joel, I'd understand, but he's at least 10 times more of a smooth talker, so...heh.
Speaking of which...I don't like having conversations between me and someone else taken over, nor do I like to be 'in' conversations which I'm clearly not part of anymore. If I make an excuse to get out of such a situation, is it so difficult to just let it slide and let me go? Here is of course where that guy upstairs just loves to torture me. I can't get annoyed any any of the people involved because its not their fault if they're like that. At the same time, its utterly frustrating and pisses the heck out of me to be trapped as such. ARGH.
While I'm at it, why the F**K did HE make me anyway? Just to have my hopes, ideals, dreams, etc repeated crushed by friend and foe alike?! DAMMIT, I don't even want to exist anymore! Sure, I'm not going to kill myself without taking at least a million souls down to hell with me, but why did I even have to bloody exist in the first place? I sure as hell don't WANT to, at least not anymore. Just to be God's plaything? He can take is 'love' and 'goodness' and shove it. I've not gotten any of that stuff. So yes, here's how it stands...if he wants to bring me back, he knows what has to be done. And if not, then I don't freaking want to ever hear all this crap about salvation being for everyone, because he clearly chooses who he does and for the rest of us sad little souls, we get pushed beyond what we can take and blamed for not being able to do something that's very clearly beyond us. I am through with this.
But first..."The Zone" is not as easy to trigger on command as I thought. When forced, it has a high chance of oversurge, not to mention that its effectiveness is decreased. It requires a powerful and lengthy dose of any of the colder negative emotions for maximum effect. Emotions like anger, indignation, hate, etc all won't work at all. It needs loneliness, despair, hurt and the like. Still, it helps clear the mind, especially in the situations which generate those emotions. That said...
Betrayal is one of, if not the one thing I can practically never forgive. That includes people making use of me. Not just any people though, it only applies to people I'm on friendly terms with. Enemies are expected to be evil.
Knowing what people in general are like, I always get on edge when someone is suddenly and exceptionally nice to me, especially if they weren't at first and there's a drastic change in behaviour...and its twice so if the person happens to be female. It was bugging me for a while, but after thinking about it...
Look, if you want to freaking get to know him better, just bloody go and do it! Don't F**k**g(as Kao puts it) 'use me as a conduit'!!! I REFUSE to be your goddamn bridge just so you can get to someone else. Not like you WTF need the WTF help either since you've both got a lot in common and heck, conversation flows so easily between you two. Leave me the KNNCCB out of it! No one wants to be a lamppost and just because I'm too nice to bluntly make myself scarce...well, since at least ONE of you thinks themself to be perceptive enough, get the F**K**G hint and let me go!
On that note, I also extremely HATE people who(and these don't do this because they're blur or socially challenged, no, it only applies to those I'm SURE wouldn't say these things by mistake) sabotage you right to your face infront of others. I've been fairly tolerant of the kids I teach and no matter how annoying, I've never hated any of them...till now. This character flaw is proof of pure disgusting evil and the SCUM guilty of it should be pruged from this world. That one kid now has my undying hate and deserves every drop of it. I did get sabo'd by someone else too, but based on past ties...but still, that person has no right to make the mistake. If it was Joel, I'd understand, but he's at least 10 times more of a smooth talker, so...heh.
Speaking of which...I don't like having conversations between me and someone else taken over, nor do I like to be 'in' conversations which I'm clearly not part of anymore. If I make an excuse to get out of such a situation, is it so difficult to just let it slide and let me go? Here is of course where that guy upstairs just loves to torture me. I can't get annoyed any any of the people involved because its not their fault if they're like that. At the same time, its utterly frustrating and pisses the heck out of me to be trapped as such. ARGH.
While I'm at it, why the F**K did HE make me anyway? Just to have my hopes, ideals, dreams, etc repeated crushed by friend and foe alike?! DAMMIT, I don't even want to exist anymore! Sure, I'm not going to kill myself without taking at least a million souls down to hell with me, but why did I even have to bloody exist in the first place? I sure as hell don't WANT to, at least not anymore. Just to be God's plaything? He can take is 'love' and 'goodness' and shove it. I've not gotten any of that stuff. So yes, here's how it stands...if he wants to bring me back, he knows what has to be done. And if not, then I don't freaking want to ever hear all this crap about salvation being for everyone, because he clearly chooses who he does and for the rest of us sad little souls, we get pushed beyond what we can take and blamed for not being able to do something that's very clearly beyond us. I am through with this.
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