You know I've got nothing better to do when I blog a lot. Though I'm not exactly hating the fact that I've got no deadlines or commitments right now. In fact, its rather peaceful, not having to deal with enemies or otherwise rotten people. Some might call sure a life boring, but I'm kinda liking this lack of stress, having the time to care for my plants, read, think and otherwise just bum around without worries. I'm becoming a bit of a hermit, in some ways. I'm not saying I'm happy, but the peace is a very welcome change.

I've always been more of a people person, at least more than I'd care to admit. I do like being around people and honestly, its been rather lonely these past couple of days. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, since I'm just not the kind of person most people want to stay in contact with. W, frighteningly accurate as always, made some predictions about various people back when I was in JC and despite the steps I took to prevent them from coming true, they did. I'll say this, Kao's company, along with Schnoc's(when free) has been very welcome these past weeks. My temperment has this tendency to rapidly degenerate into a very dark one when I'm left alone.

Still, a lonely life is better than having to fight enemies at every turn. Good thing I tend to be rather perceptive of people's characters. It really helps to know how exactly to deal with enemies. The only sad bit is that I'm not in the business of destroying lives, so...pity. Its not too difficult to push a person's buttons an set them on a course of self destruction.

However, being too perceptive when it comes to people isn't always a good thing, which is why I tend to just let myself just take things at face value. A good skill to have though, when manipulation becomes necessary. A necessary evil...a survival skill. We all have flaws, so I say live and let live. Some people though, don't subscribe to that, so for them, I've got a sharp tongue and I know how to use it.

Lots of people also seem to have this idea that I'm physically weak. I wonder where they get the idea from? While I'm in no hurry to correct that perception, its just a little annoying since it isn't true. Ah well, once again, I'll leave people to think what they want to. What gets to me is the condemnation. Its always affected me when a person goes out of their way to condemn another, but a whole lot more so when its an unjust condemnation.

I've a good mind to just delete everything I've already typed...

Anyway, my memory's fairly selective, which also means that I tend to remember each and every single time I've been unjustly condemned and by whom. And yes, each and every one of them, save those who have actually made some effort to get to know me, are on W's hit list, which is still very much active.

This post's waaaaaaaaaaay negative, huh? Well, that's what happens when I'm left alone. God isn't helping this any, by the way. While I'm totally thankful to him that my physical needs are met, he almost seems to go out of his way to whack me emotionally sometimes. Obviously, my spiritual life ain't doing too well. Sucks to be me. Take a lesson from cave animals...kept in darkness too long, they lost their colour. I'm sure God knows that, so what does it mean since he's keeping me in darkness?

Maybe I should just give up my faith and blaze my own trail towards the dawn.