Well, its finally happened. I've had enough of God. I've had enough of my life sucking, of the silence, of having things being taken from me one after another, of the sorrow, of the pain, of the bleak future. I doubt anything will change, but I certainly don't have to praise and worship one who is either causing it or who is merely just sitting back and watching it happen. He is not exempt from his own laws and standards: the choice of inaction is still an action. For the first time in my life have I have the conscious decision not to go to church for no reason other than just being sick and tired of him and this whole situation. I guss God really will push you beyond what you can take if it suits his purpose. Heh.

I'm starting to become very used to being alone. Its no surprise given my current situation. W is a life saver: being able to tap into all of his skills has saved me on more than one occasion. They drain me a lot though...these days I'm just so tired that I can't even feel my soul anymore.

Being able to see what I see caused me no end of pain. Yet it is a sight that I can not give up. I would never choose to give it up. Once, I made the choice not to see. It brought me great pain. I won't be blind ever again. To ignore the warnings and take the risk of happiness...well, I should've expected that it'd only bring pain. As long as HE is in charge, it seems that I'll never be happy. No wonder that I've turned away from HIM.

Generally, everyone moves on with their lives and I'm usually right about them vanishing. The surprise is when someone is actually found to be still around. Of course, when I realise this and when I USED to thank HIM for it, HE'D just take the person away...like he does with all my happiness. Something I had to force myself not to see...but I won't anymore.

To the people who are still around...though you may be few...very few. Well. I'm glad to have you. At least until HE takes you away.