Okay, so I'm not carrying on from the previous post...
Watching Just Shoot Me has given me a insight into why God seems to be preventing me from finding a mate. Its NOT because I believe that he's got that special someone prepared for me for when the time is right. I'm not stupid enough to believe that, not now anyway. Yeah, you heard me, since you've been blocking me at every turn...and more...so there. I'm not blaming you of course, since the thought that cross my mind puts your motivation for doing so in the best of lights. Big consolation to me though. Anyway, its simply this: I don't trust. I generally trust people as much as I know them, which means that me faith in people is a big fat ZERO. Generally, the closer someone gets to me, the more I know them...so the more I 'trust' them. Once that crosses a certain point, I might begin to really trust the person...but this is where the trouble begins. Once that point is crossed, I start taking betrayals of that trust VERY seriously. W seriously. Couple this with the fact that I can be rather paranoid(not that I'm wrong those instances when people call me paranoid, but I'll use the term anyway) and my brain has the tendency to sniff out secrets...we have a great potential for grief.
God's not dissing me, he's just trying to protect the girl...the girl with the misfortune to fall for me. I'll probably end up possessive and jealous and all those pathetic qualities a good husband should not have. AND I'll probably be insecure if the gal happens to be beautiful AND has a wide abundance of alpha-male friends whom she acts all chummy with. As much as I have reasons for the way I am now and probably will be in the future...it doesn't change how I will be.
I guess it does make sense...all the crap I've had to go through...alone...it was to get me used to being alone and working out things by myself...to become independent...and to work out my own problems without depending on anyone else...because that's what my life is going to be like. No, I don't feel any better now that I've figured it out. If my past hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't be what I am now...and therefore might actually make a decent mate. Makes you wonder why serve a God whose plan for you was this, doesn't it? Heh, I don't have an answer to that. I'm still wondering.
On another note...a girl by the name of Senny has actually managed to restore some of my faith in Christians...I mean...waiting in school for 4 hours just to attend navigators because her mom doesn't allow her to go to church? Now THAT is committment. I sure as heck ain't going to do that...not with the kind of conviction(the lack thereof rather) I have now anyway.
Watching Just Shoot Me has given me a insight into why God seems to be preventing me from finding a mate. Its NOT because I believe that he's got that special someone prepared for me for when the time is right. I'm not stupid enough to believe that, not now anyway. Yeah, you heard me, since you've been blocking me at every turn...and more...so there. I'm not blaming you of course, since the thought that cross my mind puts your motivation for doing so in the best of lights. Big consolation to me though. Anyway, its simply this: I don't trust. I generally trust people as much as I know them, which means that me faith in people is a big fat ZERO. Generally, the closer someone gets to me, the more I know them...so the more I 'trust' them. Once that crosses a certain point, I might begin to really trust the person...but this is where the trouble begins. Once that point is crossed, I start taking betrayals of that trust VERY seriously. W seriously. Couple this with the fact that I can be rather paranoid(not that I'm wrong those instances when people call me paranoid, but I'll use the term anyway) and my brain has the tendency to sniff out secrets...we have a great potential for grief.
God's not dissing me, he's just trying to protect the girl...the girl with the misfortune to fall for me. I'll probably end up possessive and jealous and all those pathetic qualities a good husband should not have. AND I'll probably be insecure if the gal happens to be beautiful AND has a wide abundance of alpha-male friends whom she acts all chummy with. As much as I have reasons for the way I am now and probably will be in the future...it doesn't change how I will be.
I guess it does make sense...all the crap I've had to go through...alone...it was to get me used to being alone and working out things by myself...to become independent...and to work out my own problems without depending on anyone else...because that's what my life is going to be like. No, I don't feel any better now that I've figured it out. If my past hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't be what I am now...and therefore might actually make a decent mate. Makes you wonder why serve a God whose plan for you was this, doesn't it? Heh, I don't have an answer to that. I'm still wondering.
On another note...a girl by the name of Senny has actually managed to restore some of my faith in Christians...I mean...waiting in school for 4 hours just to attend navigators because her mom doesn't allow her to go to church? Now THAT is committment. I sure as heck ain't going to do that...not with the kind of conviction(the lack thereof rather) I have now anyway.
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