Lots of things have been on my mind lately...almost none of which are outrightly positive, heh. Mostly just a collection of random thoughts.
University has taken its toll on my ideals of love and friendship. Well, not so much love, because I think that even now, I'm still as idealistic about that as ever. Friendship on the other hand...heh. Seriously though...how many of my friends actually contact me, just to maybe catch up or even just say 'hi'? I guess most of them are just too busy or what not...responding only when I go contacting them, heh...I don't know...it all just seems a little too...one sided. Plus, I'm beginning to think that most people just tolerate me. Including some I consider friends. Which is obviously not good. These days, I've come to the conclusion that I'm better off just wearing a mask and keeping my own thoughts and opinions to myself because the real me is just...well...I don't know...irritating/annoying/whatever. Therefore, why cause people unwanted annoyance? I should just keep out of their hair and well...stick around people who actually want me around. Heck, I'm at the stage where I'm wondering who actually wants me around.
I should let W handle my life completely. Really. I'm not wanted or needed here. Besides, considering the lonely nature of my life, he'd be far more suited for it.
What? I do have feelings. As much as I wish I had ice in my veins and a heart of cold stone, I don't. I wish I did, then it wouldn't hurt dammit. I have to be strong. Why? Because my experiences have taught me that everytime trouble comes, I've got to face it...alone. Not by choice, but simply because of a lack of people who will actually stand by me. Heck, how do you think W came to be? If I had allies back then, I wouldn't have needed him, now would I? The fact that I still need him now is a testament of something too. Though perhaps I'm not as alone today as I was back then.
Even Joel was shocked by how far I'm gone the last time I met up with him. Considering he knew me from back in primary school, it says a lot. Because till now, he's never had any doubts about my character(being lazy is not a major character flaw to him).
I know exactly what I'm turning into and frankly, I'm not that motivated to stop it.
Its a really angsty post, isn't it?
And no, I haven't forgotten. I'm not sure how long I'm gonna last, but before I go, there's a pack of demons(way too good a term for them though) I WILL destroy. If possible, I'll take their souls(whatever's left of them) to hell with me, where they belong. But only after they go through a living hell.
What? There is only one thing that can counter my drive to do that and well, that's never going to be.
And you know what? I conceed battles, but I never give up the war.
Its just too bad I can't go to some land far, far away and just tend to my plants and lead a peaceful life or something.
Argh, that's enough of that.
University has taken its toll on my ideals of love and friendship. Well, not so much love, because I think that even now, I'm still as idealistic about that as ever. Friendship on the other hand...heh. Seriously though...how many of my friends actually contact me, just to maybe catch up or even just say 'hi'? I guess most of them are just too busy or what not...responding only when I go contacting them, heh...I don't know...it all just seems a little too...one sided. Plus, I'm beginning to think that most people just tolerate me. Including some I consider friends. Which is obviously not good. These days, I've come to the conclusion that I'm better off just wearing a mask and keeping my own thoughts and opinions to myself because the real me is just...well...I don't know...irritating/annoying/whatever. Therefore, why cause people unwanted annoyance? I should just keep out of their hair and well...stick around people who actually want me around. Heck, I'm at the stage where I'm wondering who actually wants me around.
I should let W handle my life completely. Really. I'm not wanted or needed here. Besides, considering the lonely nature of my life, he'd be far more suited for it.
What? I do have feelings. As much as I wish I had ice in my veins and a heart of cold stone, I don't. I wish I did, then it wouldn't hurt dammit. I have to be strong. Why? Because my experiences have taught me that everytime trouble comes, I've got to face it...alone. Not by choice, but simply because of a lack of people who will actually stand by me. Heck, how do you think W came to be? If I had allies back then, I wouldn't have needed him, now would I? The fact that I still need him now is a testament of something too. Though perhaps I'm not as alone today as I was back then.
Even Joel was shocked by how far I'm gone the last time I met up with him. Considering he knew me from back in primary school, it says a lot. Because till now, he's never had any doubts about my character(being lazy is not a major character flaw to him).
I know exactly what I'm turning into and frankly, I'm not that motivated to stop it.
Its a really angsty post, isn't it?
And no, I haven't forgotten. I'm not sure how long I'm gonna last, but before I go, there's a pack of demons(way too good a term for them though) I WILL destroy. If possible, I'll take their souls(whatever's left of them) to hell with me, where they belong. But only after they go through a living hell.
What? There is only one thing that can counter my drive to do that and well, that's never going to be.
And you know what? I conceed battles, but I never give up the war.
Its just too bad I can't go to some land far, far away and just tend to my plants and lead a peaceful life or something.
Argh, that's enough of that.
