In sheer boredom, from Raydance...

1. Name: WWW
2. Birthday: 19th Oct 1982
3. Age: 21
4. Hair Color: Black
5. Eye Color: Black
6. Nationality: Singaporean
7. Sex: M
8. Height: 172cm
9. Weight: 55kg
10. Where were you born?: Like I'd know...
11. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name be?(if you know): Ironically, its possible for a girl to have my exact name...spelling anyway.

Family
12. Brothers or Sisters?: younger brother
13. How many?: 1
14. Names?: Sheng
15. Who's your favorite?: No choice is there?
16. Who's your least favorite?: Same as 15.
17. If you're an only child...do you want any brothers or sisters?: NA
18. Parents/Guardians name?: Satan and mate. Its her bloody fault for calling me the son of satan anyway.
19. Who's your favorite?: Yeah, right. Neither.
20. Do you like your family?: No.
21. If you could, whose parents would you have?(out of your friends): None!!!
22. If you could, whose brothers/sisters would you have?(same): None!!!

Friends/Enemies
23. Best friend(s)?: Kao takes this one, hands down.

24. What do you have in common with them(or he/she)?: Honestly, not that much. We're just on the same wavelength and the world pretty much screws us both a heck lot. Its more of a 'what we don't have in common with everyone else' case.

25. What do you like to do with them?: Almost everything, as long as he's up for it. I'm the more outgoing one.

26. Most trustworthy: Kao. I trust more people with my life than with my secrets.

27. Funniest: Hmm...I don't know. Not much humour in my life.

28. Dumbest: Edda. Someone from Sps. No one can dig their own grave as well as she can.

29. Smartest: Hmm...good question.

30. Best Laugh: I never noticed.

31. Best Smile: Don't notice that either...

32. Best Eyes: Some gal whose name I don't know...

33. Funnest to be with: Erm...see 27.

34. If you woke up one morning and one of your legs were gone...who would you call first?: The doctor.

35. Who's the person you talk to most on the phone?: NA.

36. Do you have any friends that you have never seen?: One or two...

37. Who do you see the most?: Kao

38. Who have you known the longest?: Joel

39. Who's your worst enemy?:
40. What don't you like about them?:
41. Was he/she your friend before?: None of them.
42. Are they a dumbass?: Yes, all of them.
43. Did they do something to you, or do you just not like them cause of their stupidity?: Both actually.

Love Life
44. Do you have a crush?: Nope.

45. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Nope.

46. What is their name?: NA

47. How long have you liked them?: NA

48. How long have you been going out?: NA

49. Are you really in to them? or Are you just eh?: NA

50. What do you like about them?: NA

51. Do you think you'll last?: NA, it'll never start.

52. (for crushes) Do you think they like you?: NA, no one will, not in that way.

53. Do you think you'll ever go out?: NA

54. Have you gone out in the past?: NA

Favorites
55. Color: Blue, Black, Grey

56. Food: None really...

57. Music Genre: 80s and early 90s pop...

58. Band: Err...dunno...

59. Solo Artist: No fav.

60. Number: Zero

61. Letter: W

62. Word: Chaos

63. Swear Word: I don't like swear words. I just use them.

64. Song: No one fav.

65. Day of the week: Sunday

67. Month: October

68. Year: Not any one I've lived through, that's for sure.
69. Age you were: NA

70. Season: Winter.
71. Fruit: Orange
72. Veggie: Brocolli
73. Ice Cream: Choc...
74. Movie: Right now, its love actually, but that's just cos of that funky guy. =P
75. Junk Food: All junk food RULEZ!!!!!

76. Cartoon: Err...I'll go with Reboot since I don't think anime counts.
77. T.V Show: Right now...I think I only watch reality shows.
78. Reality Show: American Idol 3. It'd be Amazing race if that was on.

79. Celebrity(including musicians and actors/actresses): Nana Vistor.(Wins by default).

This or That
80. Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate
81. Punk/Pop: Pop
82. Rap/RnB: RnB
83. Milk/Chocolate Milk: Chocolate Milk.
84. Computer/Laptop: Laptop
85. Nsync/BSB: Eww!!
86. Green Day/Blink 182: ???
87. Tupac/Eminem: Tupac. Can't possible be worse than Eminem
88. Britney/Christina: Christina. ANYONE wins over that slutty bitch. Even if its another slutty bitch.
89. Black/White: Black
90. Dark/Light: Dark
91. Blue/Red: Blue
92. Pink/Baby-blue: Baby-blue.
93. Short/Tall: Tall
94. Phone/Instant Messanger: Phone (handphone, i assume)
95. T.V./Computer: computer.
96. Movie/T.V.: Movie
97. Mall/Department Stores: mall.
98. AIM/AOL: Do I look like an american to you?
99. 10/100: 10
100. Internet/Encyclopedia: Net
101. Home/School: School. Anything wins over home.
102. Country/Classical: Noooo!!!!
103. New York/California: I'll go with New York. Crime rulez! Over gays at least.
104. Batman/Superman: Batman.
105. Half Empty/Half Full: half empty.
106. Day/Night: Night.
107. January/June: January
108. Christmas/Valentines Day: XMAS!

Have You Ever
109. Drank Alcohol: yep
110. Smoked: No
111. Gotten Drunk: nope
112. Gotten High: on drugs? no. other things? yes.
113. Dyed Your Hair: No.
114. Kissed the Same Sex: Bleah!!!
115. Thought about Killing yourself: All the time.
116. Hated yourself: Never.
117. Liked someone way older than you: Nah.
118. Liked someone way younger than you: I'm not Joel.
119. Broken a Bone: nope
120. Had Surgery: Yup. Brain. ^^ Serious.
121. Talked to Strangers: yes.
122. Ran Away From Home: nope
123. Did the opposite your parents told you to do/not to do: Many times.
124. Sang in public: No. God forbid.
125. Worn a Dress: I'm not gay I tell you...
126. Worn a Tie: Yes.
127. Worn a Suit: Nope.
128. Gotten in to a physical fight: Once or twice.
129. Hurt someone emotionally: I doubt it.
130. Hurt someone physically: Serves him right.
131. Made someone cry: I think so...
132. Said you loved someone: heh...
133. Said you hated someone: Too many times to count.
134. Talked to a stuffed animal: *Grin*
135. Talked to yourself: If W counts.
136. Driven a car: no.
137. Danced in public: Hahahahahahaha!! No.
138. Danced when no one was looking: yeah.
139. Sang when no one was looking: all the time

Other Questions I Seemed to Forget.
140. Do you believe in Love: No anymore. Thank the guy upstairs for that.
141. Love at first sight? No.
142. Your Definition of Love: An illusion dreamt up by unrealistic people who haven't realised that its all about personal gain in one way or the other.
143. Your definition of a true friend: Someone who sticks by me, no matter what...but who will tell me straight to my face if I'm wrong or generally being an idiot.
145. Do you go to church: Yes. Now ask how my christian life is.
146. Favorite Candy: Choc!
147. Are you happy you made it here?: yes, I can finally go get dinner.
148. Are you going to send this on?: Nope, just here on the blog.
149. Did you enjoy it?: I hope it was good for you too...
150. Time: What is time to a wolf?

I've been seeing mirrors of different aspects of myself in various books lately. Its just...interesting...that in so many characters I've come across these days I see some part of me in them. It probably isn't a good thing that they're all female. Heh. But its strange...interesting timing...as if God was trying to remind me of my true self...at this time when I'm trying to destroy it...what's left of it anyway, after what THEY did to it. To see myself...what I used to be...or am now...to remind me to just be...me. Here are some quotes...things I've either said, almost word for word...or things I couldn't say better myself.

"I live among people the world tells me are kind, pious, Christian people. And they seem to me cureller than the cruellest heathens, stupider than the stupidest animals."
"I cannot believe that the truth is so. That life is without understanding or compassion. That there are not spirits generous enough to understand what I have suffered and why I suffer...and that, whatever sins I have committed, it is not right that I should suffer so much."
"My only happiness is when I sleep. When I wake, the nightmare begins. I feel cast on a desert island, imprisoned, condemned, and I know not what crime it is for."
--Sarah Woodruff, The French Lieutenant's Woman

The first quote reflects my feelings when it comes to many people, sans the 'Christian' part of it. In fact, it'd apply either way, because the people who've hurt me the most in my life all just happen to claim themselves Christian. But generally, I've met many people of whom the world claims various positive qualities...and found them much the opposite.

The second quote reflects how naive I was...when faced with the turth the quote presents. It also frankly speaks of my feelings concerning my life. But life is unfair, is it not? Heh.

The third quote is something I've said many times concerning my 4 years in ACS(I). The first bit, I've said word for word. The desert island analogy I've not used, but it fits perfectly...and that last bit...'condemned, and I know not what crime it is for' describes my feelings when the horror...at least in ACS(I)...started.

Interestingly enough, Sarah Woodruff is described by the narrator as someone who has what I've come to call "True sight". To see through people and see them for their true natures and to see the true meanings behind their actions and words. I wouldn't boast to have this talent, but so far, I've not been wrong about anyone yet. Which is very disturbing given the true natures of many of the people I know. I won't say I've mastered this skill...but I hope to do so one day...till then, I'll keep improving on it. I've not finished the book, so I don't exactly know what happened to cause Sarah to become the way she did...I do have some slight idea...but I won't spoil it for those of you(a grand total of ZERO) who might be tempted to actually read this book. I'll say one thing, she's got steel in her soul...and she's just about as screwed up emotionally as I am.

Hmm...its getting late...so maybe I'll be back tomorrow with the next gal...

Okay, so I'm not carrying on from the previous post...

Watching Just Shoot Me has given me a insight into why God seems to be preventing me from finding a mate. Its NOT because I believe that he's got that special someone prepared for me for when the time is right. I'm not stupid enough to believe that, not now anyway. Yeah, you heard me, since you've been blocking me at every turn...and more...so there. I'm not blaming you of course, since the thought that cross my mind puts your motivation for doing so in the best of lights. Big consolation to me though. Anyway, its simply this: I don't trust. I generally trust people as much as I know them, which means that me faith in people is a big fat ZERO. Generally, the closer someone gets to me, the more I know them...so the more I 'trust' them. Once that crosses a certain point, I might begin to really trust the person...but this is where the trouble begins. Once that point is crossed, I start taking betrayals of that trust VERY seriously. W seriously. Couple this with the fact that I can be rather paranoid(not that I'm wrong those instances when people call me paranoid, but I'll use the term anyway) and my brain has the tendency to sniff out secrets...we have a great potential for grief.

God's not dissing me, he's just trying to protect the girl...the girl with the misfortune to fall for me. I'll probably end up possessive and jealous and all those pathetic qualities a good husband should not have. AND I'll probably be insecure if the gal happens to be beautiful AND has a wide abundance of alpha-male friends whom she acts all chummy with. As much as I have reasons for the way I am now and probably will be in the future...it doesn't change how I will be.

I guess it does make sense...all the crap I've had to go through...alone...it was to get me used to being alone and working out things by myself...to become independent...and to work out my own problems without depending on anyone else...because that's what my life is going to be like. No, I don't feel any better now that I've figured it out. If my past hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't be what I am now...and therefore might actually make a decent mate. Makes you wonder why serve a God whose plan for you was this, doesn't it? Heh, I don't have an answer to that. I'm still wondering.

On another note...a girl by the name of Senny has actually managed to restore some of my faith in Christians...I mean...waiting in school for 4 hours just to attend navigators because her mom doesn't allow her to go to church? Now THAT is committment. I sure as heck ain't going to do that...not with the kind of conviction(the lack thereof rather) I have now anyway.

Its interesting...that even though I've lost almost all faith in humanity...I've not gotten sick of it at all. Humanity in general still interests me. Is it any wonder that, my fav Star Trek characters are all misfits who try to understand the people they're forced to work with? As Data struggles to understand what it is to be human and Odo makes his observations on 'you solids', so I see the parallel in what I do in this world. As much as I may be genetically human, I am as far from the typical, general bulk of humanity as I can possibly be.

My standard word of caution here, unless you've been actively ostracised and made an outcast of AND has no one to support you during that time(ie someone who stood by you and did NOT just choose to sit on the fence), you can take all your "Yeah, I'm different like you too" crap and shove it. The only exception to this are the people who are ignored...forgotten...not noticed...people like Kao. Those guys would know how it feels like to a lesser degree...for although they may not be exposed to the true evil of humanity, they do know what it is like to be set apart from the general populace. Okay, perhaps this is a rather limited definition, and the exceptions to it will know who they are...so...yeah. Generally, I'm just whacking all of you who claim to be different from the general population BUT actually have your own clique of friends. Well, guess what? The general population is exactly like that. Hah!

Let me just remark here that I do take pride in my work...and as such...I don't believe that non-quality crap should be rewarded. Yes, I may be LAZY, but anything but quality crap from me should never be rewarded by anything more than a 'B'. I take my crap seriously. Why? Because I see it as a proof of my thinking capability.

Anyway...

I used to be someone who liked people, liked being around, liked the interraction between people...etc. Used to. That's the key point. Actually, I still do like the interraction between people...only now I don't like being around certain people...and thus don't like certain people. I know what its like to be used...and I know what its like to be alone...with a whole bunch of scum making life miserable for me...and no one to stand by me(take me side). Oh go ahead, sit on the fence. It is what makes you feel better, right? Take the neutral stance. It is safer for you, after all. If I was in the 'wrong' that would be one thing...but in this case, I wasn't. Friends? Nope, at that time, I was alone alright. Except maybe Petey, who stood up for me that one time...which I doubt I'll ever forget.

There's that interesting point...if someone chops off your arm, you may eventually forgive that person...but for now, divine intervention aside, you've lost that arm and will never have it again. I dare say its the same with me...perhaps I will one day forgive all the scum who have made me suffer so...but I'm who I am now.

But I don't hate people. Can't really. I CAN still be disgusted and annoyed with them though. And yes, people are generally not worth it. I'm willing to bet that 99% of the time, the person isn't worth it. But that 1% of the time remains...and the best example of that in my life, for now that is, is Kao.

I'll carry on later I guess...heh...